Like many people, I used to dream of having someone swoop in and fix all of my problems for me. When we’re in a crisis, the idea of a quick fix or a recipe for instant relief can be very attractive. It’s like when we have a very bad headache, we’d pop in a couple of Panadol for a quick relief. We just want the discomfort and misery to go away.

Pain and suffering are great motivators for seeking relief and most of us look to love or money as the perfect tonic. We tend to search for the one thing that will cure our loneliness, insecurity, unhappiness, fear and uncertainty.

Human beings are social creatures, so we try to connect with others and deepen our relationships when we’re feeling lonely. But that feeling of loneliness is one that we can experience even when we are around other people. It’s an emotion created in ourselves in response to thought patterns that are unhealthy and distorted. When we’re insecure, believing that we’re inadequate and even unlovable, someone may say, ‘You are wonderful and beautiful,’ and you think, ‘How can he be so blind? Of course I’m not!’ No amount of praise from anyone will rescue us from our unworthiness unless we change our mindsets and emotions. Our ability to sabotage and keep ourselves feeling bad is no joke. There are even fashion models who appear on magazine covers and still think they aren’t beautiful! These people are too busy focusing on their flaws and hoping to be rescued and failed to understand that nothing outside us can ever make us feel good. It’s something that we have to make happen by ourselves.

Then there are those folks who find that their insecurities prevent them from flourishing in their careers. They don’t get the promotion they want and instead of looking honestly at themselves to determine what they might do differently, they just start to feel worse about themselves. They, too, long for that one perfect answer and think that if only they could turn their careers around, they would stop feeling sad, jealous and frustrated and start seeing themselves as winners. Too many times we look to our professions to save us because we figure that with success comes money and if we have enough money, our problems should go away. But do they?

When the things that we hoped would save us – people, success or money – don’t materialise, we’re likely to become disillusioned and pessimistic. Even if they do show up, we’re building our happiness on a false foundation. This shaky base can collapse at any time because real happiness is something that we have to create regardless of our circumstances.

Sometimes, we fall into the trap of waiting to be saved because we’re tired or are afraid that we don’t know how to solve our own problems. But we don’t have to. It’s not necessary to have any clue on how to achieve what we want for ourselves. All we need to be aware of is what we desire and then create the feelings we would have if we attained it, envisioning ourselves in the ideal situation and relishing every moment of it as it plays out in our imaginations. As we create confidence, joy, tranquillity and gratitude, we change our negative energy into a positive force that will attract circumstances that match our new confident state.

Unfortunately, the dream of being saved by someone or something will often prevent us from committing to help ourselves. Perhaps, we believe deep down that if someone were to swoop in and give us the answers we need, it would prove that we’re lovable and worthy of being saved. But this Cinderella-like dream of being whisked away by someone and suddenly recognised as worthy and important is keeping us from discovering our own sense of self-worth and finding the means to solve problems and create a happy, fulfilling life.

And when we become frustrated by not being rescued, we become desperate for that quick fix that we jump into a job or relationship, or make a sudden move in the hopes that it will be the one thing that solves everything and makes us happy at last. Inevitably, we end up with just as many problems, often the same ones that we had before. A new situation will look like the old one simply because we haven’t changed.

The truth is that we can change our emotional state to attract and manifest circumstances to mirror a new, positive feeling. To do that we must look at our role in creating the circumstances that make it difficult for us to be happy. We have the ability to create the circumstances of our lives. We don’t have complete control over everything but we also aren’t as powerless as we may think. If you’re looking for someone to do the work of changing your life for you, trust me, it’s not going to happen. The only way out of this vicious cycle is to control our emotions, manage our thoughts, change our attitudes and watch our behaviours towards ourselves. We’ve got to rescue ourselves. We are our own rescuer.